:: A transcript of a tavern-told story, by a certain gaunt and pale-skin human calling himself Atlas ::
That’s a good story, friend. But I have one for you.
:: Some shouts in the tavern. One patron screams Trollslayer! ::
I am called Atlas the trollslayer; look at the trophies I wear, you know it to be true.
I travel with the iron automaton, Horatio, his creators only order was to jam his metal appendages into troll ass. I just wish he knew how to do anything else. Hey, metal man! I have a candleabra here. Could you please avoid sticking it up your metal ass?
:: “Fuck you Atlas!” is heard. Laughter follows. ::
I travel with the dwarf, Baldin Thorgrim Fireforge... Hammer-tosser, Horse-fucker, an avatar of the dwarven god of METAL. When we arrived to assist the noble elves in the city’s defense..
:: Cheers and stomping ::
In the city’s defense, I found him in an alley fucking two horses and Saul’s new wife.
:: “How could you tell the difference?” is heard. Laughter ::
Then the trolls started attacking!
:: More laughter ::
I travel with Collins, master of swordplay, master of the bow and arrow… no master of the gambling houses as some of you may know. Collins, master of pits of fire!
:: Collins continues drinking silently. The patrons match his silence. ::
Though Collins was scalded like a slave… In his defense, my friends… She was ugly, and the fire was the better alternative! Collins, my friends, had found the reason that the fomorians wage war upon the surface. They’ll do anything to get out of the house, away from the woman!
:: Laughter ::
I once traveled… with a mage named Alteris Forrester... He was a good man, who saved me many times in battle…
:: Reverent silence ::
And that fucker is sitting right there, alive and unhurt! He’s decided to stay in this beautiful city of Chendl!
:: Cheers, yelling, pats on the back on a particularly drunk Alteris ::
Take your damn gold, Alteris. Start a family. Men, hide your wives!
:: “You can have mine!” is yelled. Laughter ::
I travel with Silas, Eladrin mind wizard, of the noble elves! If any of you are wondering why his nose is a bit twisted, in solving the puzzle of the entrance of Moss-Kragg, he decided to think with his head! Wham! His pretty face undid the most intricate magics that the fomorians could muster! Gentlemen, this man shits magic dust and pisses rainbows.
And in our travels, we hunted Skalmad like a dog. Nothing. There was nothing in Moss-Kragg that could hinder our war upon the Troll Kingdom. Tens, hundreds came. All fell to spear, hammer, and blade. We slew cowardly drow, forcing their ilk fleeing back into the darkness.
In the feywild, the magics in the air tested our mortal forms. Horatio fell to her illusions, saw things in the darkness he said. I told him, what? You see something? You’re making it up! Like you said you used to have a family!
We slew a fomorian hero, Collins’ ex-girlfriend, it didn’t work out, and she lays dead, rotting on the steps to the fortress! Notice he isn’t talking. That’s because not an hour from displaying his prowess as a whirlwind of steel, he whirlwinded his steel into the belly of a crocodile!
No! No! Don’t ask me how it happened! Yes, there are giant crocodiles in the feywild. I don’t know why, you ask the fucking elves!
Deep in the fortress, fighting trolls, fomorians, hell, we even fought displacer beasts. We found the fabled Stone Cauldron and the resurrected Troll King Vard. The bastard was twice as strong as Skalmad, three times as tough, ten times as ugly! ...But only half as ugly as your wife.
:: Laughter, cheers, and drinking ::
I can kill trolls any day of the week, but you’re more man than I, having done battle with that beast.
The troll king is dead again! We made sure of it! I have the scars to show it! And I’d gladly do it again, in defense of Chendl! In defense of the men of this dying world! Drink, my friends! For we live another day!